PATHOLOGIZE
i should really take more pictures of
one. the severity of the ground: stable, good base. i want to stand but lurch, blood
sloughing to my feet. relapse occurs as afterthought, diastolic nothings under my
breath. elasticity, righting orthostasis. i culminate unevenly and shake in rain-
stained patterns, abrupt disruption. cacophony settles. righting stings. i feed
off data, not quantity. cracking salt crystals, it’s simple. the doctor rests her head
on her hand, tells me i drink too much
water. how to verbalize breaks,
more frequent now, slow slope
of body against
the reek of sheets.
two. dazed i
razed this
maze of mine/d
three. always on the edge of surrender i
always on the edge of surrender i edge always on the surrender i
four. sporadic stratification, preclude treatment. pre-wash cycle, dish rags
limp in my hands.
five. vitamin deficient i welled up at the bruised
bag of clementines, their flesh
too much give, pithy
in my palm
delighted giveandtake, dis
traction.
buy my silence.
six. blueprint, overmix. make
changes. the dry of conditioned
air in winter, the relent
of keyboard. twelve-hour work
days, planning sex before-
hand. salt rims sputter wicks
attach to dwindling
candles.
seven. to walls reduced to their materials. concussion-making softspot-accumulating my
eight. symptoms blight flat, vital hallucination
i toy and endure. when the bill comes i check the meter
and buy another box of litter on the way home
nine. ache imprecise – the shimmer
reduced, i traverse old rooms by nightlight, inhabit
the ten o’clock hour where there is finally no room
to get anything done.
ten. rather than bypass the circumstantial efforts to clarify or redeem me i learn what it means to lean into
working
faltering aspect; find fault and fold
myself into the clerical space
of available awning during january
rainstorm, raking thoughts
for catalyst:
*
memory no longer the same
as inflammation normalizes
to joint and muscle, waiting
on venmo notification
when the itemized email comes through
*
come in, hang your
coat just here, that’s fine
i wasn’t really able
to go to the store before
you came but i set out
a bowl of peanuts and
can order in if
you’d like?
*
the calendar flags
the days slipping
you find that one thing
you like and just
stay there, the price
of stability
the economists say
lean into stock
and disproven supply
*
fire me! fire away
what to do
when the breakdowns
of routine become
routine
*
the soft smell of baking
bread, the cat coils
around the windowsill
and we watch the floods together, three
stories up the plants pooling
roots on the fire escape
*
does a decade mean anything
anymore? losing
grip and self-
discovery, molting
pressure, reckless
i know the importance
of reimagination but it still
stalls in me, challenging
complacency, or anchor
*
lightly reaching now, pushed up
against the window frosted and
reflective, sun searing my eyes
beyond signified barrier, it became
so common to talk interiors,
exteriors, loitering
or soliciting
on thresholds
*
hey i didn’t think you’d
pick up, actually something
came up, would it be all right
if i called you back
in a bit?
*
all the moments of waiting between
Kinsey Cantrell lives in Brooklyn, NY. Her debut book of poetry, CELLS, FULLY DIFFERENTIATED, won the 2023 Noemi Press Book Award and is forthcoming in 2025. Her poetry is featured or forthcoming in Protean Magazine, SICK Magazine, Apogee Journal, Booth, Puerto Del Sol, and elsewhere. She studies epidemiology and biostatistics at the City University of New York, and she writes for an indie video game. Find her online at www.kinseycantrell.com.